The Stories We Tell Ourselves

We know storytelling is a great leadership skill for engaging and influencing others.  However, there is also a growing body of research on how to harness the power of our inner narratives:  

Use a Redemptive Rear View Mirror 

The stories we recount about our past have a powerful impact on our memories and behaviors. Psychologist Jonathan Adler's research highlights three habits that build resiliency and emotional strength as you reminisce:

• Recalling both the positive and negative aspects of past situations.
• Seeing negative events from your past as external events ("That speech didn't go over well," rather than "I'm not a good presenter.")
• Identifying how you have grown stronger and more effective as a result of your experiences.

Regulate with Reframing     

When you get emotionally triggered by a challenging situation, find a plausible but more positive way to view what's happening.  The research on this practice ("reframing") has confirmed significant benefits.  Psychologists Gross and John grouped hundreds of people based on whether they tended to use reframing or suppression (pretending everything's fine) to deal with strong emotions.  They compared the two groups on factors including optimism, environmental mastery and positive relationships.  On every factor, those who reframed were significantly better off than those who suppressed. 

Forecast Your Successes

Envision how you will be successful over the next few years. The more you revisit this story of what your future will look, sound, feel, smell and even taste like, the clearer it becomes.  Replaying this movie in your mind helps you recognize and act on choices that support it.

"Mental imagery impacts many cognitive processes in the brain: motor control, attention, perception, planning, and memory," says researcher Angie LeVan. "It's been found that mental practices can enhance motivation, increase confidence and self-efficacy, improve motor performance, prime your brain for success, and increase states of flow."

This awareness of what you're telling yourself, and how balanced but empowering your narratives are, is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the better your story can become.

Stressed? Mind the Gap

Stress is a constant friction that either hones our effectiveness or grinds us  down.  We work hard to deliver on ever-rising expectations in an ever-changing world.  It's not just work pressures - our own expectations keep rising.  The more we  achieve, the more we and others often expect. So we have our conscious and unconscious expectations - and then what  actually happens. As Peter Bregman pointed out, the gap between what you expect and what  actually happens is the underlying cause of stress.      To use stress well, it's critical to "mind the gap." On the London Underground, this means being mindful of how you step forward  from your subway car onto the platform of your destination. In life, this means being mindful of how you step forward from an unfulfilled  expectation into what actually happened.      You have two fundamental choices:  update your expectations or try to change  what's happening.  Trying to change the situation often creates more stress -  and you have more control over yourself than others - so it's productive to start  with updating your expectations.  Remember that other's behaviors and the changing landscape may have little to  do with you.  How you choose to respond to them has everything to do with you.   So travel well during your stressful days. Ask yourself -  "What am I assuming will happen today?"  -  and, "How well have I communicated this?"   When you're feeling stressed, ask -  "What was it that I expected that didn't pan out?"  -  and, "How important is this?"  -  and, "Where's the best opportunity now - in updating what I know and expect  or in changing the situation?" Then take a deep breath - and maybe another - and step confidently forward  into what actually happens next.