The Stories We Tell Ourselves

We know storytelling is a great leadership skill for engaging and influencing others.  However, there is also a growing body of research on how to harness the power of our inner narratives:  

Use a Redemptive Rear View Mirror 

The stories we recount about our past have a powerful impact on our memories and behaviors. Psychologist Jonathan Adler's research highlights three habits that build resiliency and emotional strength as you reminisce:

• Recalling both the positive and negative aspects of past situations.
• Seeing negative events from your past as external events ("That speech didn't go over well," rather than "I'm not a good presenter.")
• Identifying how you have grown stronger and more effective as a result of your experiences.

Regulate with Reframing     

When you get emotionally triggered by a challenging situation, find a plausible but more positive way to view what's happening.  The research on this practice ("reframing") has confirmed significant benefits.  Psychologists Gross and John grouped hundreds of people based on whether they tended to use reframing or suppression (pretending everything's fine) to deal with strong emotions.  They compared the two groups on factors including optimism, environmental mastery and positive relationships.  On every factor, those who reframed were significantly better off than those who suppressed. 

Forecast Your Successes

Envision how you will be successful over the next few years. The more you revisit this story of what your future will look, sound, feel, smell and even taste like, the clearer it becomes.  Replaying this movie in your mind helps you recognize and act on choices that support it.

"Mental imagery impacts many cognitive processes in the brain: motor control, attention, perception, planning, and memory," says researcher Angie LeVan. "It's been found that mental practices can enhance motivation, increase confidence and self-efficacy, improve motor performance, prime your brain for success, and increase states of flow."

This awareness of what you're telling yourself, and how balanced but empowering your narratives are, is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the better your story can become.

Regifting for Leaders

Regifting is an enduring leadership practice that resonates as the holidays approach.  It involves two simple steps:

    

• Recognize when someone does something that inspires you do do your best.
• Find a way to apply that approach with someone else.

The interesting thing about this practice is that it benefits you as much as others.

• Recognizing when someone treats you in a way that brings out your best means that you're paying attention to leadership style - therefore increasing the odds that you continuously develop yours.
• Finding ways to apply that positive approach with someone else increases your track record of, and reputation for, positive leadership practices.

If you like this form of regifting, you can also apply it on an annual basis:

  

• Each December, make a point of recalling high-points from the prior eleven months, and who helped to make them happen.
• Share these recollections with those that come to mind, and thank them.  

This appreciative tradition extends the impact of the high-points, creating a positive ripple effect. 

Speaking of high points, thank you continuing to find ways to be a more innovative and effective leader throughout 2013 -


Here's to all you'll do and be in 2014!

Getting Into A Better Frame of Mind

Think of a time when you handled a challenging situation exceptionally well... what kind of mood were you in as you did so?

Now think of a time when you responded poorly to a challenging situation  ... what kind of mood where you in then?

When I ask these questions, words like “confident,” “interested” and “engaged” are often used to describe the mood during the first situation.

And negative or extreme words like “anxious,” “angry,” or “excited” describe the mood during the second situation.

click here for a larger image

We know our moods impact our thinking, but what can we do about it?

Neuroscience, and the experts at the NeuroLeadership Group, tells us that we tend to do our best thinking when we’re in a slightly positive state.  

When the limbic system (where emotions rule) gets too fired up, we’re more likely to respond negatively, depend on automatic thinking and see connections where there are none.

Negative and extremely positive emotions trigger a limbic response that overrides our pre frontal cortex  - the “executive function” of our brains where decision making, new insights and problem solving occur.

This is a simple explanation of a complex function, but it’s enough to help us recognize the importance of shifting our thinking when we start to get too “fired up.”

There are some familiar techniques that help, like

• Reordering the situation:  “In the scheme of life, where does this fit?”
• Or repositioning it:  “How would (insert name of admirable person) handle this?”

I’ve also seen a less familiar technique, taught by the NeuroLeadership Group, work exceptionally well.  Ask:

• What one word would you use to describe how you feel about this situation?
• How would you rather feel?
• What’s another way to look at the situation that would bring you closer to feeling that way?

Using these questions in an internal dialogue can literally put you in a better frame of mind.

Earning Optimism

There's a distinctive form of optimism shaping the mindsets of successful innovators.

  

It's more of a "follow your learning" than "follow your bliss" expectation.  This form of optimism is earned.  It's a by-product of taking on the big goals, managing through ambiguous situations and living by your results.  Knowing that you'll incorporate successes and failures and keep pressing forward fuels a grounded confidence.

Earned optimism is shaped by curiosity.  The kind of curiosity that compels you to keep asking questions, to find and learn from people who are different from you, to tinker and experiment until you get it right, and to commit to success.  Even if you're not 100% sure of what the success will look like ... yet.

In an interview in the Paris Review, Ray Bradbury said:

"I don't believe in optimism. I believe in optimal behavior. That's a different thing.... Test it. Find out. You don't know - you haven't done it yet. You must live life at the top of your voice!  At the top of your lungs shout and listen to the echoes....

Action is hope. At the end of each day, when you've done your work, you lie there and think, Well, I'll be damned, I did this today. It doesn't matter how good it is, or how bad - you did it. At the end of the week you'll have a certain amount of accumulation. At the end of a year, you look back and say, I'll be damned, it's been a good year."

What will strengthen your optimism today?